


All To Myself

by the_albatross



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Drinking, F/F, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-07 11:28:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20975150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_albatross/pseuds/the_albatross
Summary: Friends to lovers, you know the drill.Featuring Willam and Alaska, of course.Thanks to @VeronicaSanders for agreeing to beta despite our disagreements regarding epithets and thank you @Saiph for beta-ing too!





	All To Myself

Going out to the club was meant to be relaxing.

It’s a chance to cut loose. It’s a chance to forget. Alaska repeated that mantra to herself every time she went out...so why didn't she believe it?

Most likely, she figured, it had to do with _who _she was going to the club with. One Willam Belli; known party queen and spectacle all onto herself.

Everywhere she went, attention was soon on her whether she sought it out or not. She was loud and beautiful and when dropped into a setting meant to encourage random hookups? Well, she was the star attraction as soon as she arrived, usually with her best friend in tow.

Now Alaska was by no means a wallflower. She engaged in the dancing and drinking just as easily as Willam did. The difference between them lie in when it came time to take someone home with her. For Willam it was effortless, there was no lack of offers so she had her pick, though usually there weren't many common factors.

"Whoever looks like the most fun," she replied casually the one time Alaska dared to ask about her criteria.

Alaska, on the other hand, usually had to work for it. She got along well with most everyone. She could be quite the charmer when she wanted to be but once it came time to ask if they wanted to leave with her, more often than not they were shocked by the proposal. Her intended partner for the night hadn't considered that she was being anything but friendly nor that she was even interested in a hookup. The women she hit on were always unbearably kind in their denial but that only served to make her feel even worse.

Often times she asked herself if there was something wrong with her flirting.

Was it just not blatant enough?

For the few times she dared to ask for an explanation for the rejection, she noticed a common theme; too innocent looking, too nice, too eager...always too _something_!

She was never just enough.

But she accepted the reasons with a carefree shrug and polite smile and wandered off to try her luck elsewhere. Usually by the time of the first rejection, she could pick out Willam's intended victim for the night. True, a lot of nights Willam never actually took anyone home. Sometimes hooking up in the bathroom or alleyway doing god knows what for an hour or so later, but that didn't lessen the sting as she returned to Alaska's empty side.

Alaska often spent her time wondering just what she was doing when off with someone else. Why _those _men and women could attract Willam's attention when she couldn't. And of course, why after so many years of being best friends she still had this hopeless crush.

Perhaps _that _was her real problem, Alaska thought. Maybe it was that she genuinely didn't try hard enough because no matter who she'd take home, they just wouldn't be the person she _wanted _it to be. Sure, they might have _looked_ enough like what she wanted; dirty blonde hair wrapped into loose curls, slim and toned under flashy clothes and flashier makeup...But still, it just wasn’t the same. Maybe, just maybe, she sabotaged herself because she knew Willam was more likely to leave with _her _if Alaska appeared to be alone.

Not that they ever did anything together. Alaska was certain she kept her feelings well hidden around her friend. But it was still nice just to return to a near domestic atmosphere in one of their apartments after a night out partying. They'd fall asleep laughing, watching TV, or smoking some weed. It made the rejections at the club much more bearable, practically even forgettable, just to spend a night alone with her. Willam made her smile when no one else could and helped her forget about the rest of the world, even if only for a few hours.

There were a few instances, however, when Alaska didn't need to seek out a partner for the night. Sometimes women even approached _her_. They were usually of a similar type and picked up on some vibe she unknowingly seemed to be putting out. That 'too innocent' vibe, as others had called it. These women were looking for a particular type and to them, Alaska seemed to fit the bill. They wanted someone submissive, whether it was to coddle them or completely dominate them. But always they were damn near exact opposite of the type of women Alaska usually tried to hit on.

Alaska grew to accept this fact after a while. After all, she'd get what she wanted and they'd get what they wanted. A mutually beneficial trade. Alaska was fine playing that part, though at times it did bore her. A few caught on that she was just acting out the bit for their sake, one even commented on it, but for just a one-night stand it wasn't anything worth going into too much detail for. It would happen again in just a few months, almost like clockwork.

And tonight was no exception. Alaska picked up on the domineering gaze being sent her way almost the instant she connected eyes first with an attractive blonde from across the bar. The stranger was a good few inches shorter than Alaska, as most women were anyway, but the difference in height had no bearing on the powerful, magnetic personality that shone through with her amused grin. Wasting no time, this confident and mysterious young woman pushed her way through the sea of people until she was at Alaska's side.

Closer to, Alaska noticed the woman’s eyes were a deep blue-green, almost like a certain pair she’d been gazing at only an hour before. Her cocky smirk seemed to be a damn near permanent fixture on her face as she carelessly tossed away the loose wavy hair that fell past her shoulders. It was a similar tactic, one Alaska had seen Willam using quite often to ensnare her partners, and like a moth to the flame, Alaska was mesmerized. Each woman worked their charm as they chatted away but they both knew it was entirely unnecessary at this point. They’d likely be leaving together very soon if either had anything to say about it. Still, a bit of social foreplay never hurt.

Though the area around the bar itself was brightly lit, the same couldn't be said for the clustered dance floor just a few feet away. The main lights were out and heavy, flashing strobes took their place. They'd periodically illuminate the carefree faces within the crowd for just a second before shining their light elsewhere at random. It was a tangled mess of nameless people but that was all part of the fun; dancing with strangers as the bass pounded in the speakers…It was a chance to get a little closer or to disappear, if need be.

Willam was already engaged with a number of other clubbers on the dance floor but she had kept a cautious eye on Alaska at the bar. Her companion always needed a drink or two before she was ready to bury herself amongst the crowd but Willam was confident Alaska would be joining her shortly.

What she hadn't expected was to glance over and find her chatting up another woman so eagerly nor sharing so many drinks, if the empty glasses in front of them were any indication. This woman was far from the usual type she saw Alaska with; her heavy makeup, tight, skimpy outfit and an air of confidence to the point of coming off as arrogant. Definitely not Alaska’s type and yet there they were; near ready to seal the deal and head home with one another by the looks of it.

A vaguely possessive knot formed in the pit of her stomach as she took note of the mystery woman placing her hand over Alaska’s in an attempt to show sincerity and interest. She never seemed to let her gaze roam over Alaska's body, seemingly thinking she'd get a chance to explore those areas soon enough, but there was also something else Willam noticed.

Something that pissed her off even.

It was Alaska’s obvious infatuation with the woman. Never had Willam seen her so taken with a potential partner right off the bat. Her gaze seemed to focus only on this stranger as she kept a shy but inviting smile stretched across her lips.

Alaska was all but throwing herself at this skank!

It was clear by the interested gleam on Alaska's face that she intended to go home with this woman as soon as the offer was made, yet the stranger was intent on drawing this out. She was practically laying the groundwork for future hookups already though they couldn't have met more than just a few minutes ago. As Willam studied them closely, the scowl on her face darkened. Her body was still moving in time with the throng of other club patrons but her heart was certainly not into it.

One more shot was pounded down by both women and almost immediately after they were stepping away from the bar. Willam’s heart sunk with the thought that they might be leaving now but to her sick satisfaction they seemed to be heading straight for the dance floor. Once they had immersed themselves in the sea of similarly buzzed and swaying bodies, Willam saw her chance to step in.

Alaska knew Willam was somewhere in this mix of countless people. Every so often she'd catch a glimpse of her friend dancing the night away with one stranger before turning her attention to the next but as Kat led her onto the floor, Alaska hadn't even thought to look for Willam again. Her mind was completely focused on her intended partner for tonight, so much that she willingly allowed Kat to lead her by the hand deep into the grinding and wavering mass of clubbers.

Once they were away from the well-lit bar, it was difficult to see anything clearly through the flashing lights but every so often one would shine just enough that Alaska could catch a glimpse of the slightly blurry faces around her. The pulse of the music overtook her body and soon she was dancing as enthusiastically as everyone else. She was sure she was facing Kat for the majority of the song but after a sudden turn and number of patrons shuffling past her towards the bar, Alaska was certain she had lost her in the crowd. But only a second or two after that thought came to mind, she felt a pair of firm hands on her hips encouraging her to turn around.

Rotating herself in the right direction, Alaska found herself pressed against a shorter body once again as the strobes turned their lights away towards the other side of the dance floor. The possessiveness of the hands couldn't have belonged to anyone other than Kat so she let herself be consumed once more by the pounding music and mutual sway of their bodies on the packed floor.

She thought she saw a glimpse of Willam's wavy hair somewhere off in the distance but all too quickly the figure slipped away before she could confirm it. Not that Willam would have any trouble finding someone to take home, she reasoned. So she might as well push that thought from her mind, at least for tonight. She _finally _had someone take an interest in her that almost exactly fulfilled everything she was looking for and she would be damned before letting this one slip away tonight. In fact, she ought to get things moving along before either had a chance to lose interest.

So in a decidedly bold move, Alaska pushed herself forward and captured the lips of her partner. There was a bit of a misstep at first, her lips landing slightly off point and Kat freezing in shock but within a second all was corrected and the hands on Alaska's hips pulled her in until there wasn't even an inch of space left between them. Her eyes slid shut as she let herself be consumed by the moment.

The kiss itself stole away any other thought of those around them. Alaska was sure they both had stopped dancing or even pretending to but if anyone else noticed...well, who cared?

Their lips pressed together was everything Alaska could have wanted. It was expressive yet still so subdued, perhaps because of still being in a public space. But they were definitely pushing the limits of decency. If anyone could have seen them, they certainly would have gotten a show. While their hands remained chaste and above their clothing, their lips slid against one another in a slightly graceless but passionate mess. If the music were just a bit lower, Alaska was sure she would have had to hide the little mewls clawing their way up through her throat. But Kat wasn't at all bothered by it. She eagerly swallowed every bit of sound that echoed into her mouth, even returning a few of her own in the process.

Kat’s lips were eagerly chasing Alaska’s every time she pulled away, so much that Alaska gave up any pretense of trying to tease just so that could remain connected as much as possible. Vaguely she was aware that the song was coming to an end and taking that as her cue, she broke the kiss for good. As her eyes flew open, she found that the lighting patterns of the clubs had changed to match the new, slower paced song being introduced. The strobe was still flashing away but much more languidly and somewhat brighter now.

Alaska was hardly surprised to see to that same hungry look in her partner's eyes as she had witnessed back at the bar but strangely there was also a hint of fear...Perhaps because the eyes staring back at her were distinctly Willam's and _not _Kat’s.

Each felt the world go quiet as they locked gazes for a moment. Alaska was sure her cheeks were burning and under the fading purple to red lights shining above them, she'd have bet anything that Willam's were almost as pink as her own. Neither quite knew what to say, though Willam certainly tried. Her lips moved as though she were trying to force something, anything, out, but even if there were true words being formed, Alaska wouldn't have heard them.

As much as she feared what would happen to their friendship after sharing that kiss, there was absolutely nothing that she regretted about it, now that she knew it'd been with Willam. Her heart fluttered in her chest with that thought even though she knew she ought to have been concerned with the fact that it wasn't with Kat as had been her original intention.

Where was she, actually? Had she seen what had happened and left?

Alaska just couldn't find it in herself to care at the moment.

Especially since Willam gave up any pretense of trying to speak and was now turning around. Alaska was almost shouting at her to stop until she realized that Willam's hand was wrapped around her own and was now leading them off somewhere towards the rear of the club.

Barely aware of anyone else around them, Alaska followed closely behind as Willam pushed her way to the first opening along the back wall that she found. There she turned around to face Alaska, perhaps thinking they were far enough away from the speakers to try talking about what happened, but that wasn't how things turned out.

As quickly as the opening appeared, once the pair was nestled in facing each other, the space around them filled up once again. Willam found herself pressed against the wall as Alaska was pushed into her thanks to someone's elbow being forced into the small of her back. She apologized for the unintentional invasion of space but she was anything but sorry for it. Not that Willam seemed to mind it either.

There was a brief pause of hesitancy before each threw aside any notion of better judgement and allowed their lips to connect once more. Hands found their way to each other's bodies; Willam's resting on Alaska's waist while Alaska's found their way Willam's hair. For the first few minutes there was a sense of urgency, like all of this would be revealed in just a few short seconds as a dream or a joke, but once the reality truly set in, they allowed their pace to slow into something more languid and sensual. Alaska moved a hand to tuck its way beneath Willam's chin, tilting her head up for a better angle as she crowded her even further against the wall. Her second very carefully and very slowly slipped its way under the bottom hem of Willam's short dress. Her fingers danced along Willam's outer thigh but she dared not press her luck any further. For now she was content with all that was happening.

Neither was quite sure how long they spent together in that embrace but as the pair finally broke apart to check the time, the club was significantly less crowded. Willam was the first to retrieve her phone from her bra and swore once she saw the clock flashing back at her. Immediately Alaska knew that would be the end of whatever _this _was but to her surprise, Willam pressed one final kiss to her lips before whispering that they ought to leave.

The pair's ride back to Willam's apartment was exceptionally quiet. There seemed to be no small talk they could make that wouldn't eventually lead into a discussion of the kiss and neither was quite ready to address that yet. Alaska was all too eager to head back to her own dwelling after retrieving her car but Willam shocked her by asking if she wanted to stay the night. It wasn't an uncommon offer, not by any means, but something about it just felt oddly loaded tonight. A simple nod was all she could reply with and after a brief exchange of 'good night', each slipped into their own dream worlds on opposite ends of Willam's bed.

The next morning they should have talked about it, should have discussed what the kiss meant for each of them, but Willam made the independent decision to simply play it off as a product of their drinking. She teased Alaska for getting so shit-faced that she’d be willing to kiss _her _but Alaska’s stomach flipped and twisted with every reminder. Despite Willam’s assumptions; the enthusiasm from their second kiss that night was strictly because it was _Willam_, not that Alaska had mistaken her for anyone else. But Alaska was sickly grateful at having been provided with an easy, less embarrassing way out of this whole mess. She laughed off the situation much as Willam was yet in the back of her mind, memories of that kiss still lingered. But as much as she adored her friend and loved every second of that night, receiving confirmation that their kiss meant nothing would have broken her heart. She was happy just to have the experience as a fond memory rather than a painful reminder that nothing more would happen between them.

The night replayed itself in her mind more often than she cared to admit and all too frequently she imagined what it would have been like to push the boundaries even further. A part of her regretted not attempting it, if only to see how Willam would have responded, but she was sure if she had, then Willam would have ended the kiss much sooner. Still, it was her imagination and she was free to play out any scenario she liked. Though with each detail being added her guilt seemed to compound over thinking about her best friend in such a manner. Still, she felt powerless to stop it and quickly enough her fantasy world had been built up considerably.

'Might as well relive the kiss through daydreaming,' she thought.

She was absolutely sure nothing like that would ever happen again.

Yet in just three weeks time she found herself pressed firmly between Willam's body and her mattress. The pair had gone out again as they usually did every weekend and proceeded to drink throughout the night. This time it was odd though; neither seemed to have any interest in finding another companion to take home. They were both content to spend their evening in each other's company and never strayed more than a few feet from one another, though quite a few did try to separate them.

Whether it was an offer of drinks or cutting in for a dance, a few of the clubbers tried their luck to pull away one of the women from the other but always after a few minutes they would return to each other's side. Willam especially received quite a bit of this attention. She'd accept the drinks or invitation to dance with a flirty little smile but before long she'd find her way back to Alaska. Typically this was accompanied by wandering hands traveling up and down Alaska's midsection, especially as the night wore on and her BAC rose. Not the Alaska was any more well behaved herself.

She received more than her fair share of drink offers and was soon well on her way to being as tipsy as Willam already was. Though her behavior was not quite as messy, she certainly did nothing to discourage the roaming hands. Every now and then she'd even pull her friend a little closer until their bodies were all but touching as her arms wrapped possessively around Willam's swaying figure.

Before long the hours slipped into early morning and the girls were ready to head home for the night. Once in the backseat of the Uber it felt like all the tension they had built up throughout the evening finally broke free. With nothing left to stop them, their lips found their way to another as they rode in the backseat of the car. Hands grazed over every inch of bare skin they could reach as the pair were driven home. To his credit, the driver did his best to ignore the pair making out until they had arrived back at Alaska's apartment complex.

Following a quick word of gratitude, the pair made their way upstairs and promptly collapsed onto Alaska's bed in a tangled heap of limbs and ruffled clothes. There was a fiery, desperate sort of messiness to the kiss, like neither wanted to separate themselves from the other for anything short of Armageddon. Fingers wove through one another's hair and clothing rode up far further than they should have allowed. The straps of Willam's dress had fallen a long time ago but even still Alaska couldn't bring herself to push away the fabric any more than how it naturally fell from Willam's body.

At some point the pair did slow down, whether it was after Willam slipped her leg between Alaska's or when Alaska's hand found its way to Willam's ass in a halfhearted attempt to pull her body closer, it was hard to say. The pair allowed their lips to travel up and down one another's skin but neither quite dared to go any further below the collarbone. Not that that really stopped Willam from sucking a bright pink mark into Alaska's pale skin after hearing the younger woman gasping out her name in shock.

Alaska was left squirming and aching beneath the actions but she just couldn't force herself to beg for anything more. She wanted to. She _knew _she wanted to. But there was a little voice in the back of her mind screaming at her to stop before things had gone too far. Almost as if Willam had heard that voice herself, or perhaps just listening to her own, she pulled away with a guilty expression.

The fingers that had been clutched around the fabric of Alaska's clothes flexed in uncertainty, as if she were telling herself that she needed to let go, to move away, but still unable to convince her body to follow through. Her eyes darted over every inch of Alaska's form beneath her; from her heaving chest, flushed cheeks, swollen lips and finally her hazy, glazed over eyes. A wave of guilt washed through her at the sight and with a heavy air of regret, she murmured, "We...we need to…"

Already knowing what Willam getting at, Alaska bit back a tone of reluctance in her voice as she asked, "Should we stop?"

"Yeah," Willam agreed softly as she withdrew to the empty space at Alaska's side. Almost too quietly to hear, she mentioned in a doleful whisper, "Drank too much again, huh?"

It was rhetorical but Alaska _wanted _to answer. She wanted to argue that they hadn't. That were only just a little buzzed and that she _wanted _this to happen.

But she didn't.

She held her tongue and simply gave her friend an absent nod of agreement as they settled between the sheets to sleep off whatever liquor still remained in their systems.

But unlike the previous night they had kissed, this time, neither made a move to separate themselves until they awoke the next morning and even then there was a heavy reluctance behind their movements.

As to who awoke first it was difficult to say but each kept their arms wrapped around the other's body for as long as they could until hunger forced them to pretend to awaken. Again, neither seemed tempted to talk about what had happened the previous night other than play it off as a drunken mistake but Alaska was not as convinced that at least_some _of what happened was solely from the influence of alcohol.

There were fleeting memories at first, followed by more solid ones, of all that she and Willam had done last night. There had been mutual air of desperate need behind their actions. An underlying tone of want and desire...and if Alaska had any doubts of how into their makeout session Willam had been, the dark hickey that appeared on her neck certainly told quite a story.

But each kept their mouth shut about those details as they pried their limbs away from one another. Alaska could have sworn she saw Willam's eyes flicked down to her collarbone for just a second but that easily could have been her imagination. Within just a few seconds, Willam had slipped off the bed in order to claim the shower first and wipe away the traces of last night's makeup.

As Alaska dug through her closet for a change of clothes, she wondered how long it would be until the next instance of whatever this was will occur. After all, the law of the universe practically demanded that all significant events come in threes. Not that she always put a lot of stock in those thoughts but it certainly seemed to be true more often than not. As she filled the time waiting for the bathroom to open up, Alaska mused whether the next kiss would happen inside the club or afterwards as it had been last night.

As it turned out, when it came time for the third incidence, they never even made it out of Willam's apartment.

Only two weeks had passed and Alaska was getting a bit antsy as to when the universe would take a hand yet again and force them together. Sure, they'd gone clubbing together a few nights already but those had all ended rather routinely. There was nothing special or interesting that had happened aside from just spending the night with her best friend. Perhaps the only unusual thing as of late was that Willam seemed to have no interest in taking anyone else home with her. It was a welcome change, Alaska wouldn't lie. But it did make her curious as to the reason.

She was sure she ought to bring up the topic but every time the opportunity presented itself, she found herself chickening out. She just couldn't forced herself to get definitive answer, preferring instead to just pretend that _she _was the reason for Willam's apparent abstinence.

It was an appealing lie, she had to admit. One she indulged herself in too much.

Maybe that was the driving force behind Alaska's outfit choice for the night.

Typically she preferred simple clothing; something to accentuate her best features but certainly not as flashy as Willam's taste in clothes. No, she usually wore a tight black dress or maybe a longer flowing one depending on which club they visited. Just something to show off her curves and of course, her long, shapely legs. But tonight's outfit strayed rather far from her comfort zone; a clinging red dress perhaps an inch or two shorter than it ought to have been with slits on either side of the midsection to show off the dramatic curve of her waist. Even the top half used a cut she hardly dared to wear on most occasions; a deep, plunging neckline to accentuate her breasts with straps that seemed unreasonably thin and liable to snap at any second.

All of this had been a deliberate choice to see just what kind of reaction she would pull from Willam but as made her way over to her friend's apartment, she was already second guessing herself.

She worried that it showed far too much for what she’d be comfortable in later or that Willam would immediately catch on to what she was trying to do. She worried that even if Willam was oblivious, she'd just end up looking like a fool at the club; like someone trying far too hard to get laid or even just to get attention.

But she was already more than halfway to Willam's complex and there was no chance to turn back now. Maybe if she really wanted to, she could squeeze into some of Willam's more modest outfits before they left. At least then she'd feel a bit more like herself. As she let herself into the open apartment, she gave serious thought to that option. Amidst her internal debate she noticed that Willam was nowhere in sight; not the kitchen nor the living room.

A little confused as she was sure her friend would have been ready by now, Alaska called out, "Will?"

"Bedroom!" came the immediate reply.

Shuffling towards the source of the voice, Alaska heard Willam rambling as she came out of the connecting bathroom in a cloud of sweet smelling perfume and hairspray, "Almost ready. Just need to find a pair of earrings and my clutch-"

Willam stopped mid sentence as soon as she laid eyes on Alaska. There was a stifling pause between the two as Willam drew her eyes over every inch of the outfit until Alaska was left shuffling awkwardly in place. She was sure her cheeks must have been almost as red as her dress by now. But no matter how hard she tried she just couldn't decipher the odd expression that Willam was wearing. Her eyes were dark and her mouth almost a straight line; there was no way to tell if she approved or disapproved of the outfit.

Finding the spotlight to be too much, Alaska's gaze shot to the ground in embarrassment. Her fingers played with the bottom hem of the dress as she awaited her friend to say something, anything to give an indication of what was going on in her head right now.

The air felt loaded with tension until Willam finally spoke in a soft, demanding voice, "Take off your shoes."

Within a second, Alaska was complying and side stepping away from her exceptionally tall heels as Willam swiftly strolled up to her. With Willam still in her own heels, they were just about the same height for once and could finally look into one another's eyes without any tilting or craning of their heads. There was hardly a moment's pause after Willam stopped in front of Alaska before she felt the welcomed heat of Willam's body pressing into hers as their lips connected.

Her hands wrapped possessively around Willam's hips as she felt a similar pair weaving their way through the hair she had so meticulously styled for the night. The kiss had a sense of urgency, of being long overdue, despite how recent their last lip lock had been. She never wanted this moment to end; her and Willam finally kissing without any true reason or even a drop of alcohol in their systems. It was perfect; just them with all the time in the world for one another.

But all too quickly, Willam pulled back just out of reach of Alaska's lips. Even if Willam had wanted to step away, Alaska wasn't sure if she could have convinced her grip to loosen after sharing such an expressive kiss. Sounding quite defeated, there was a little laugh in Willam's voice as she asked helplessly, "What are you trying to do me, Lask?"

"What do you mean?" she murmured in reply as she grazed her lips along Willam's jawline.

Another disbelieving laugh escaped as Willam's voice dropped to a low and soft register as she accused her friend, "You act all innocent, then show up here in this dress?...That's not fair."

"Could take it off if you want," Alaska suggested in a hushed tone as she slowly leant in again to close what little gap remained.

Shaking her head, Willam warned her half-heartedly, "Don't tempt me."

She sounded desperate, but for what, Alaska wasn't quite sure...but she had a few guesses.

Daring to take a chance, she asked, "Why not?"

When Willam failed to reply, instead only looking up at her with wide, questioning eyes, Alaska pressed even further, "I'm not pushing you away."

For once, Willam was at a loss for words. She seemed to be trying to convince herself Alaska was actually being serious with her offer yet unable to believe it fully. Her gaze was torn away from Alaska's for just a moment as she turned her attention back to the dress. Alaska could have sworn she almost saw the internal fight playing out in Willam's head as her eyes travelled over every inch of the body in front of her.

Tucking a gentle finger beneath Willam's chin, she recaptured the dirty blonde's focus and placed a small, meaningful kiss to the Willam's lips. It was brief, barely even three seconds, but all the same it took her breath away. Willam's hand was shaking as she withdrew it from Alaska's hair in order to slip her fingers hesitantly around the thin strap hanging off Alaska's shoulder. She still seemed to be debating if she ought to make a further move when Alaska decided to give her a little push in the right direction.

"Gotta take care of the zipper first," she whispered as she grazed their lips together once more.

There was absent nod given by her partner followed by a tense swallow. Then, with more resolution in her voice than either woman would have expected, Willam told her, "Turn around."

Almost immediately Alaska withdrew her hands and spun around until her back was all that Willam could see. She felt a pair of fingers pulling against the zipper but they paused before drawing it downwards. Alaska knew Willam was still debating if they ought to take this step and held her breath as she awaited Willam's final choice. Thankfully it wasn't long before the telltale sound of the zipper opening filled the otherwise silent air and the tight dress became slack around her body.

As soon as Willam reached the end, Alaska allowed the material to fall away into a heap on the floor at her feet. Spinning around to face her partner, there was barely a moment to take a breath before their lips reconnected and Alaska was gradually guiding them back in the direction of the bed. Willam moved all too easily as Alaska took control and relieved her from overthinking the situation. They both were more than ready to submit their long suppressed desires tonight.

The second Willam's legs hit the mattress, she fell onto her bedspread and pulled Alaska with her the entire way. There was a short moment of her kicking off her shoes as she inched her way further into the middle of the bed as Alaska followed closely behind. Their lips hardly left one another for more than a second as Alaska took her place hovering just inches above Willam. But before she could get comfortable in her position, Willam's legs were clenched tightly around her hips as she forced the body above hers to roll over onto the mattress. With that Willam was quick assume her place on top all while distracting Alaska with yet another kiss, but the younger woman could scarcely bring herself to care about their positions right now.

Her main concern was simply that Willam was still fully dressed; something she wanted to remedy very soon. But as her fingers slid up Willam's outer thigh to meet with the hem of the slinky, silver number Willam had chosen for the night, a hand caught hers and swiftly removed it. Their fingers laced together as Willam pinned the traveling hand the mattress next to Alaska's head. Pulling away, her eyes opened to look at the panting, half naked blonde she had trapped beneath her. Her gaze travelled in an exceedingly slow fashion down Alaska's exposed form as she murmured in appreciation, "Just look at you."

"Is that all you're gonna do?" Alaska challenged, "Just look?"

The question caught Willam off guard once again as she drew an immediate blank on how to respond. Her expression seemed torn between pushing forward and claiming Alaska for herself or drawing back before they had crossed that final line with their relationship. Seeing the internal struggle playing out in Willam's eyes softened Alaska's domineering attitude, at least for the time being. She drew her free hand up to tug at the hem of Willam's dress and call her attention back from disappearing inside her head space.

Taking note that Willam's full attention was back on her, Alaska whined softly as she toyed with the shiny fabric, "Take this off already."

Nodding, Willam was quick to comply and soon the pair was left in matching states of undress. There was a pause as each let their eyes follow the curves of their partner's body for just a moment before Willam took the lead and leant down to press another slow kiss to Alaska's lips. There was that same sort of desperation from before behind the insistent rutting of her hips into Alaska's. At once Alaska's hand found its way to the small of Willam's back and urged her to press their bodies as close as possible. The heat from their skin touching had nothing on the burning they felt deep in their cores.

By the time the two broke apart, Willam's eyes were dark with lust and her tongue carefully poked out to run across her swollen lips. It was like she couldn’t get enough of her partner, even willing to just pass the night in only a lip lock so long as it meant being together...But Alaska had other plans.

Craning her head up to capture Willam's lips once more, she kept the dirty blonde occupied as she easily pushed herself up from the bed into a sitting position. Willam slid all too easily into her lap, loosening her grip on Alaska's hand in order to slip her arms around Alaska’s neck instead. As their mouths remained connected in fiery liplock, Willam's fingers played with every strand of hair within their reach. Every so often there'd be a little tug which earned a soft moan or whine from her partner.

With her second hand now free to move about as it wished, Alaska wasted no time in using it to trace over every inch of Willam's body. She felt so small and compliant in Alaska's grip it was almost as if their bodies were meant to remain in this position until the end of time.

Alaska’s fingers were featherlight as they drew senseless patterns from Willam's rib cage, down her stomach, and finally between her inner thighs to meet with the edges of her lacy panties. She was squirming under Alaska's touch, practically whimpering even though Alaska was hardly doing anything to warrant such a needy response from her. Once Alaska chose to give in and run a finger over the covered folds of her lover, she heard a noise unlike any other she would have expected to originate from Willam of all people.

It was a desperate, needy sort of whine; the kind that almost begged to be given instructions they could submit to...one that showed just how much they ached for anything more and would comply to nearly any demand just for the reward of a small taste.

Alaska couldn't stop herself from pulling back and teasing Willam in a soft coo, "Mm, didn't know you could make that noise."

Something almost akin to a growl reverberated in Willam's throat as her cheeks flared up. Her eyes narrowed as she snapped back in a childish manner, "Shut up."

Moving to place a series of light kisses along the curve of Willam's neck, Alaska felt a smirk growing as she continued to taunt, "It was cute though."

She could feel the harsh swallow under the movement of her lips as it traveled down Willam's throat but just as she was starting to chuckle at the rather adorable embarrassment Willam was showing, she quickly felt her partner shoving her firmly back against the mattress and pinning her her hands well above her head. A shocked expression swiftly played out across her face at the change of positions and Willam wasted no time in asking rather smugly, "How cute is _this_?"

Despite the supposed confidence in her voice, her eyes still shone with a tone of uncertainty. As if she weren't sure just how far she could push Alaska before it'd be too much. Recognizing the hesitancy, Alaska let out a little breath of air she hadn't realized she'd been holding and challenged Willam to continue with small, reaffirming nod of her head.

Even after being given the approval, Willam's movements were slow and shaky as she repositioned Alaska's wrists to be trapped beneath just one of her hands. It was entirely unnecessary; Alaska wasn't struggling beneath her nor even desired to take back control but all the same Willam's grip remained loose and lax just in case Alaska changed her mind. Her fingers trembled as they grazed over the soft skin beneath her. There was a slight pause as she hit the material of Alaska's strapless bra but instead of undoing the hooks, she simply continued tracing a straight line down to Alaska's stomach.

It was here she finally slowed down to enjoy herself. At first there were only thoughtless patterns being drawn over the skin but soon enough her hand released Alaska's wrists as she repositioned herself to place a trail of light kisses over every dip and curve she found.

The movements of Willam's lips over her midsection, especially her hips, left Alaska squirming in place. There was so much movement that eventually Willam was forced to pin her hips to mattress and leave her to endure the soft torture for as long as Willam chose to continue it. Unlike her partner, Alaska was unashamed of the whimpers that escaped her. She let every single one of them fill the room as Willam continued her snail's pace even lower until she was just above the elastic border of Alaska's panties. She kissed and traced her tongue all along the edge as she glanced up to watch her writhing partner struggling to keep still.

After what felt like hours, tentative fingers were wrapped around the lacy straps and Willam cast a final look to Alaska asking for permission. The panting and frazzled blonde immediately nodded her head and helped to lift her hips as Willam removed the thin article of clothing. Sitting back up, she followed Willam's instruction to inch herself closer to the mattress's edge and took the chance to finally relieve herself of her bra.

Willam's fingers rested carefully on her inner thighs as she took a moment to take in her naked partner for the first time. Each woman's heart was beating rapidly in their chest as Willam's line of sight finally made its way south between Alaska's legs. Very slowly, she spread Alaska's thighs apart until there was enough space for her work. Even with the slightly obstructed view, Alaska could see the heavy swallow traveling down Willam's throat as she inched forward to run the first finger across Alaska's gleaming folds. There was certainly no hiding just how much the younger woman wanted it at this moment. She was aching for any kind of touch from Willam and even the hesitant, light dip of her finger was enough to have Alaska biting her lip in anticipation.

As Willam became more confident in her exploration, Alaska could have sworn she saw Willam's lips moving in an attempt to form words. Whether or not they ever became vocal was something she could never figure out as the blood pounding in her ears drowned out most sound. In fact she could hardly hear her own satisfied whine as Willam finally slipped the first finger into her slick heat. It was like a weight had been taken off her chest as she felt it entering her yet all the same she still struggled to breathe properly. Her face felt hot and flushed as she stared down at her partner watching her with the keenest interest.

Willam was studying her every reaction, watching for all of the telltale signs of pleasure that played out across her partner’s face. She analyzed every microexpression displayed as her finger hooked inside of Alaska and rubbed against her walls as she searched for what motions her partner seemed to enjoy the most. And not once was Alaska tempted to hold anything back. Even after just a few thrusts she begged for a second finger, something Willam complied with almost immediately. She was skilled in all that she did to drive Alaska to the edge but none of it was enough to push her over.

Willam knew exactly what she wanted to do now that she finally had Alaska in bed with her.

Her goal was to turn Alaska into the mess she'd always wanted to see and enjoy it for as long as possible. Tonight was her chance to finally have Alaska as her own and she was going to take advantage of every second. Alaska, however, was far less patient. She gave a soft whine for more but when that request was ignored she became more vocal.

"Willam," she pleaded, her voice hitching.

For someone so hesitant in the beginning, Willam certainly wasn’t holding back any longer. She drank in every little noise that escaped from the younger blonde's lips; all the soft mewls, pants for more, and little whines of impatience as soon as she was denied.

After so many repeated attempts at begging, Alaska was finally granted what she asked for. A teasing lick ran across her outer lips, flicking against her clit ever so softly. It was enough to have her gripping the sheets beneath her in frustration. Again she cried out for Willam to stop teasing but her compliance only went so far. She occupied her time with leaving gentle kisses and nips along the interior of Alaska's thighs until she was shaking with a mixture of longing and desperation. Only once there was a hurriedly broken off plea for more, peppered in with distracted calls of her name, did Willam finally turn to her prize and give Alaska what she craved.

There was little teasing following this; after all, it didn't seem possible that Alaska could turn into any more of a mess than she already was, and the younger blonde was very appreciative of this as she let out a satisfied moan. Fingers worked their way inside of Alaska with a skilled practice as Willam's mouth remained solely focused on her clit. The methodical lapping was altered with a light hum every now and then until Alaska felt like she was fully coming apart. Her hand wove its way through the hair at the base of Willam's head and she was sure if she stopped now, she probably wouldn't have been able to stop herself from crying in frustration. But thankfully that thought was the furthest thing from Willam's mind. Her eyes remained glued to Alaska's face as she fell apart. The moment it became too much was when Willam slid in a third and final finger to brush against Alaska's g-spot and she slipped away in bliss .

Her climax was so overpowering she was hardly aware that she was calling out Willam's name loud enough for the neighbors to hear until the last syllable had passed from her lips. But even then Willam didn’t stop. With a gentle, caring side few others had seen, Willam worked Alaska through every second of her orgasm until she was trembling and weak beneath her featherlight touch. Only then did she withdraw and crawl back onto the bed into her former position above her partner. But far from being tired, Alaska eagerly clung to Willam as soon as she was in reach and crashed their lips together as they fell back onto the mattress.

She could easily taste herself on Willam's lips and used it as an excuse to invade Willam's mouth in an effort to reclaim every last drop until all that remained was distinctly Willam. But even after that, it was a struggle to break free. No part of her wanted to leave Willam's body even if it was for something as essential as breathing.

But even as she caught her breath, the sight of Willam’s cocky smirk brought out her own snarky personality. Still panting, she taunted, "Pretty good...thought you could've made me cum quicker than that though."

The comment easily wiped the smirk from Willam's face but as she laughed out a disbelieving, "Bitch", Alaska took the opportunity to roll them both over until she was on top and promised in mockingly sweet tone, "Now let me show you how it's done."

*******

As the hours slipped away, the pair curbed their activities into something more sensual and less rushed until all that remained was a satisfied exhaustion. Collapsing onto the bed in a content heap, they drifted off into a much needed sleep with their bodies barely separating from one another throughout the rest of the night. The following morning they sleepily rose from the bed and clamoured their way into the bathroom for a shared shower. It was here that they came alive once more. The hot spray of water pulled them from their drowsy state as the memories from last night flooded their minds once more. They ought to have talked about what it all meant but neither felt they had the confidence to address the issue in its entirety. Instead they let themselves be content with the lazy, distracted kisses they shared as the water splashed down over them until the chill in the air became too much to ignore.

Yet even after they reemerged and scoured Willam's closest for a set of comfortable clothes, they still did not bring up the one topic that weighed so heavily on their minds. Certainly they were pushing themselves well past their usual boundaries this morning, nearly as much as they had last night, yet talking about it would make it seem all too real. Like it would shatter this delicate little balance they had awoken to where they were finally comfortable kissing one another. Neither seemed inclined to pull away so they let themselves enjoy these little moments for however long they would last.

The majority of the day was spent in Willam's apartment in a sort of mock domestic bliss. Fingers would roam over bare skin, lips pressed lightly to one another's neck, or simply just laying close together on the couch as they watched TV in silence. Their occasional chatter was hardly different than anything they'd talk about on any other day. If they allowed themselves, they could easily believe that nothing had changed but that night as they fell into each other's arms once again, it was clear that something had. They were careful and methodical in their movements that night, each secretly sure that it'd be their last together. After all tomorrow was Monday and they'd have to leave for work and after _that_, who knows what would happen? So each let themselves be consumed by their passion and fully focus their attention onto their partner so that no detail would be overlooked or forgotten later on.

As the sun rose the next day, Alaska quietly slipped away from her sleeping friend and returned home to change into her work clothes and head into the office for another busy week. Try as she might, she just couldn't stop her mind from drifting back to Willam. Should she have awoken Willam and let her know she was leaving? Left a note or text instead?

A constant pang of guilt shot through her heart every time she thought about it but nothing could be done about it now. Certainly Willam was already up by now and had noticed her absence.

And what about what would happen later on when they saw each other again?

Would they pretend it never happened? Continue on with their little charade from the weekend?

...Or would they finally talk about it?

Endless questions circled in her head until she was sick to her stomach with anxiety but thankfully her work day was almost over. Her first instinct was to drive straight to Willam's apartment but she knew that her work day started later and she wouldn't be home for at least another hour, if that. So regretfully, Alaska returned home and changed into a comfortable, loose T-shirt and a pair of shorts as she continued to debate what she ought to do.

Perhaps a text later on tonight would be best?

See if Willam wanted to meet up again this week and go from there?

But suddenly she was pulled from her mulling by a knock at her door. It was odd but perhaps a neighbor needed her help with something. Upon answering the door, she was shocked to find Willam standing just beyond the frame. Alaska had given her a key a long time ago along with an open invitation to use it whenever she pleased, so why knock?

But that was only something that distantly echoed in her mind. Too much of her attention was focused on just how happy she was to see Willam standing there. Her heart's pace had picked up at just the sight and after a moment's pause she was asking why Willam she was here. But instead of answering, the Willam simply let herself in and shut the door behind her as she stood in front of Alaska in uncomfortable silence. She seemed to be trying her hardest to force herself to say something but nothing came out. Whether it was pride or fear, Alaska was uncertain but deep down she was sure she knew why Willam had shown up unannounced.

As Willam’s eyes darted to the ground in a sort of angry, self-conscious embarrassment, Alaska's suspicions seemed to be confirmed.

Wasting no more time, Alaska's hands were cupping Willam's cheeks as she reconnected their lips for a heartfelt kiss. The gesture was immediately returned and like a weight falling away from her shoulders, the tension in Willam's body disappeared as she melted into Alaska's touch. Hands were wrapped possessively around Alaska's waist as she was pulled in closer until even a sheet of paper couldn't have been forced between the two bodies.

Almost like they had done this a thousand times before, the pair fell into Alaska's bed and laid claim to one another once more.

For all of their hesitancy and uncertainty over what their situation meant, this behavior became quite frequent over the following weeks. Neither spoke a word of it to their friends, not even a mention of their very first kiss, yet their habitual hookups quickly came to rest in the forefront of their minds whenever they went out together. This was especially true if they happened to go out with any friends that were already a couple, such as Courtney and Bianca.

Despite the intention of trying to keep up the facade that everything was the same as it always had been; a noticeable air of awkwardness was prevalent between Willam and Alaska, particularly whenever the couple across from them would exchange any sign of affection for one another. For her part, Alaska just wasn't sure how to act around Willam. She wanted to be able to hold hands with her or at least sit closer together, but Willam was reluctant to make any physical contact in the presence of their friends. She flinched away with a startled look in her eyes every time Alaska's hand would brush against her body. Usually this was followed up by a concerned glance towards their companions to figure out exactly how much they saw. Her only relief in this situation was that Courtney and Bianca typically spent their time focused on taunting one another relentlessly, such was the case at dinner tonight. After only five minutes it was clear to Alaska that Willam wanted to show no physical interaction, just barely falling short of verbally denying her in front of everyone in the restaurant, and that realization stung more than anything.

Why would Willam be so concerned with hiding this? Especially from Bianca and Courtney, two of their closest friends?

Despite her best efforts, she couldn't stop a dejected aura from permeating her mood from that moment forward. Things seemed to come to a head as Willam tried to subtly increase the distance between their chairs. It had become so obvious that even Courtney commented on it between trading playful jabs with Bianca or running a teasing fingertip across her partner's bare leg. Bianca would side-eye her every time but of course that particular look only earned an innocent, 'whatever is the matter' expression from Courtney. And despite how sweetly the blonde might bat her lashes, absolutely no one was fooled, especially her girlfriend.

This behavior led Willam and Alaska to believe that the couple’s attention was focused solely on one another. So when the inquiry was finally made, both were completely caught off guard.

Despite her previously occupied thoughts, Courtney's tone was quite pointed as she tried to pry out an answer from the pair in front of her. Even a quick glance in Bianca's direction confirmed that she too had noticed the odd behavior and wanted to know the reason behind it. While Bianca stared keenly into Alaska's eyes with a near accusing look settling across her face, Willam was quick to jump in with an adamant denial that anything was wrong. Despite her huffing in irritation at the question, there was a harsh blush growing across her cheeks.

Still Courtney was persistent in getting an actual answer. She was convinced, and rightfully so, that something was off between the two of them yet she just couldn't figure out just what it was...at least not yet. Her immediate assumption was a fight of some kind, probably instigated by Willam, and proceeded to direct the majority of her probing in Willam’s direction.

Likely she would have pushed the topic well into the evening had not the waiter interrupted by bringing out their food just a few minutes later. By this time, Alaska, and even Willam to a degree, were shifting uncomfortably beneath Courtney's insistent questioning. Even Bianca was becoming bored after her girlfriend’s attention had slipped away from their flirty bickering. Taking the arrival of their meals as a useful distraction, Bianca was quick to point out the almost sexual gleam Courtney held in her eyes as she gazed at the food on her plate. Immediately Courtney fell into defending herself and off the pair went into exchanging another round of playful taunts.

Thankful for the distraction, Alaska shot Willam a relieved look but even though she was no longer subject to Bianca's shrewd gaze, Alaska still felt all too exposed at the moment. There was an overwhelming sense that if she spoke just one wrong word then somehow the couple across from her would put two and two together and realize that Willam and Alaska had begun a sexual and apparently secret relationship. For the rest of the night, Alaska barely felt able to look Willam in the eye, at least until their friends had left their company to head back to their apartment.

Following that uncomfortable exchange during their night out with Courtney and Bianca, Willam took more care to keep up appearances around the rest of their friends. It hurt that she would go so far as to all but deny that she had a physical relationship with Alaska but after all...wasn't Alaska pretty much doing the same thing as well?

She wasn't going as far with her efforts to keep their relationship quiet but really, who had she told?

Absolutely no one.

Not that she even knew how to bring it up.

But still...at least some of their friends deserved to know, especially since her and Willam's new friends-with-benefits arrangement could potentially impact them down the line as well. Not that either planned nor wanted things to get messy...but still, if things did go south, how would they explain it to their friends?

No. It was better not to think about that.

Alaska would rather think about _anything _other than what she would do after Willam found someone else to hook up with. True, their time alone together had become something almost domestic with skimpy dresses and clubbing being exchanged for modest outfits (well, modest for Willam) and lazy activities chosen just so they'd have an excuse to be around one another. But still...even with this new, almost romantic level being added to their relationship, Alaska was all too aware that they were not actually dating.

Sure, it might seem like that and just maybe she let herself indulge in the fantasy that it was true, if only for a night every now and then. But the reality of it was, this was truly nothing more than casual hooking up. Yes, some of their activities outside the bedroom could be seen as dates, but were they really?

Of course not.

She and Willam had always spent time together; whether it was idly chatting the day away in one of their apartments, taking carefree walks around the city, or even just window shopping and trading sarcastic comments on the hideous fashion trends on display.

They'd always been close and it was only the addition of a sexual relationship that made this all seem like something more romantic and meaningful than what it actually was. Alaska just had to accept that, no matter how much it stung. She just needed to learn to be content with the relationship as it was because as much as she hated to admit it, it wasn't going to come to anything more. In fact, if she tried to push it in that direction, Willam would likely call the whole thing off in favor of returning to anonymous hookups with random clubbers once again. Something far more likely to remain NSA than this.

So Alaska opted just to keep her mouth shut regarding their new dynamic and simply enjoy the physical aspect for as long as she could until Willam eventually moved on. But still...Alaska was free to dream that things could be different, right?

There were even a few instances of late that made her wonder if maybe, just maybe, there was perhaps another deeper layer that existed on Willam's part. Maybe one that even Willam wasn't aware of yet.

The most recent bout of this internal debate presented itself after a rather emotional liaison they shared in the past week. The catalyst revolved around a lunch outing during a particularly stressful day at work. Alaska had multiple project deadlines coming up and all of her timeline goals seemed to be delayed for one reason or another. She had completely forgotten that they had made lunch plans that day until Willam had called her to ask if she was coming outside or if Willam was supposed to come in to pick her up.

Alaska's mind drew a complete blank for a few seconds until she realized with a groan that yes, they had made lunch plans and yes, she had totally forgotten about it despite the notification blaring across her calendar. Sounding rather hurt that she had forgotten, Willam suggested, "If you're busy, we can do this another-"

"No!" Alaska insisted with an increased sense of urgency as she snatched up her purse and rushed out to meet Willam in the parking lot. "I want to go out today! I just forgot to check my calendar this morning," she lied with an internal wince.

"Okay," came the clearly unconvinced response. "I'll see you in a minute."

With that the call ended and quicker than she would have moved for any other person, Alaska was racing across the lobby and out the main entrance towards the visitor’s lot. It was almost too easy for her to spot Willam's car, since she tended to forgo the actual marked spaces and just park wherever she could get closest to the building. Typically that meant stopping half inside the pedestrian walkway or simply just parked in the middle of a row. More than once she'd been honked at to move but all that earned the other driver was a middle finger extended high into the air.

Today, as expected, Willam had pulled up right along the sidewalk...as well as several inches into the crosswalk, causing two employees to be forced to walk around her car on their way to the main lobby.

Alaska practically sprinted across the concrete to meet her friend and apologized once more for forgetting their plans. She expected Willam to shrug it off and begin driving away to the restaurant but instead she stayed put and questioned her in a mildly concerned tone, "You sure you wanna go to lunch right now? You seem pretty caught up-"

"I do!" Alaska promised empathically, "I really do...It'll be a nice break, just spending time with you."

A hint of color rose to Willam's cheeks but she didn't say anything more on the subject. With a simple nod of the head, Willam's attention turned back to driving out of the lot. The fidgety little twitches in her fingers or squirming in her seat did not go unnoticed by Alaska, but she reasoned that perhaps Willam was still having her doubts about their lunch plans. It was unlike her to dwell on such a topic for so long but then again, it wasn't often that Alaska would completely forget their plans like this. But in the end neither said another word until they arrived at the restaurant.

Their meal together was casual and relaxed although Alaska's thoughts tended to wander back to the mountain of paperwork and emails waiting for her at the office. For the most part, she was able to distance herself from her work and focus on the conversation with Willam but there was still a persistent nagging in the back of her mind about all she left behind. But it was such a relief to finally be able to talk about something other than business goals or project requirements. Though at some point towards the end of their meal, Alaska had begun to suspect that the real reason she was enjoying her lunch so much was simply because of who she was with, rather than their topic of interest.

Willam had the unique ability to turn even the dullest conversation into a reason for Alaska to smile. Whether it be through interesting opinions or snide off-color remarks, more often than not, Alaska was with her sides aching from laughing so hard. Before the meal was even half over, it was as if a load of tension had been released from Alaska's body, even if her mind still felt as if it were clenched inside a watertight clamp. In all, there wasn't a single second of their outing that Alaska regretted, even if her time arguably would have been better spent pursuing updates on her various projects.

As they paid for their meal, a wave of afternoon tiredness hit her like a ton of bricks but Alaska was dead set on ignoring that feeling. A bit of coffee would soon push that drowsiness away and then she'd be ready to dive back into her work. Yet oddly enough, when Willam drove them back to the office, she didn't steer her car up to the front of the building as she normally would have done. Instead, she took an immediate detour to the very back of the employee parking lot where very few cars ever seemed to stay for long.

Alaska shot her friend a look of confusion but wasting little time with subtleties, Willam let out a heavy sigh of, "Alright, bitch, what’s up with you today? It's not like you to forget our lunch plans. Spill it."

She sounded...hurt, Alaska noticed. Though there was just barely a noticeable tone of pain in her voice, Willam's eyes were quick to betray her true feelings. She seemed upset but for exactly what reason, Alaska could only speculate.

Rather guiltily, Alaska tore her sight away from Willam's and darted her eyes down towards the fingers that had begun fiddling with the hem of one of her long sleeves. The little button holding the cuff together was a welcome distraction for her fidgeting as Alaska tried to search her mind for an answer to ease Willam's concerns. But as she struggled and failed to come up with a reasonable excuse, her thoughts were quickly swept away as she felt one of Willam's hands wrap around hers in order to cease her nervous gesture.

Using a gentle tone very few had ever chanced to hear from her, Willam urged her friend softly, "Hey...talk to me."

Rather reluctantly, Alaska began to voice a refusal stating that she didn't want to burden Willam with the details of her work, but Willam was adamant.

"I _want _to hear," she insisted.

Alaska's heart was clenching tightly in her chest as she began a very general explanation of the problems she was facing with her projects. Yet despite her intentions to keep her complaints vague; before long she was delving into every little detail and finally giving voice to all of her frustrations until she felt ready to tear out her hair.

She blamed Willam's open and earnest expression as she listened to Alaska's ranting for why she had gotten so explicit and worked up like few had ever witnessed. With someone so willing to listen and just let her be honest about everything she was facing, it was hard to hold anything back once she truly got started. Although she was certain Willam only understood a fraction of what she was talking about, it was nice, cathartic even, to be able to have a human sounding board for her issues...One she didn't work with anyway.

Coming upon the end of her bitchfest, Alaska concluded with, "And I have no clue if we're even going to make the deadline now but everyone is looking to me to keep things moving but I just _can't _if these other teams won't work with me! They keep telling me about all these issues after I have to force it out of them with multiple emails and threatening to CC their managers and it's _just not fair_!"

Quite defeated, her voice cracked as she glanced to Willam with a desperate look in her eyes, "I'm only one person...I can't do all this by myself."

Nodding in understanding, Willam leant forward to place a quick, calming kiss to Alaska's lips before retreating back just far enough to whisper, "You're right. It's not fair. Not that they’re expecting you to do all this on your own...but I know you can do it."

Inching her body even closer, Willam promised in a low voice, "And your bosses must think you're capable of this otherwise they wouldn't have trusted it all to you...You're so smart and resourceful...you're gonna figure it out, I promise. You're doing your best and that's all anyone can ask of you but I know this is something you can handle, even if its tough right now."

Alaska was at a loss for what to say. Hearing such a compliment from anyone would have been enough to render her speechless but the fact that it was Willam? Someone known to awkwardly back out of the room like it were filled with victims of the plague once anyone started talking about their emotions? Someone who had more than once told their friends to ‘Suck it up!’ after bitching about a bad day at work?

It was enough to set her cheeks ablaze as she struggled to make any sort of intelligible sentence form in her head.

Finally, after darting her eyes away to collect her composure, she murmured in appreciation, "Thank you."

Carefully tilting Alaska's face back to hers, Willam flashed her a genuine smile and assured her, "I mean it. I have faith in you that you'll figure it out."

With that the pair shared another sweet kiss, one that left Alaska's fingers tangled in Willam's hair in a desperate effort to keep her from pulling away. It felt like so much more had been said with just that one action and neither felt quite willing to return to work after that. But responsibility won out and the two pried themselves away from one another in order to finish out their work day. Before leaving they exchanged a strong promise to see each other again tonight and as quickly as they were able to, they found their way to Alaska's bed.

She wanted to thank Willam for what she had said earlier, for giving her the strength and resolve to tackle her work head on.

She wanted to repay her in the most expressive way she could think of. One that would show Willam just how grateful she was to have her in her life and how thankful she was to have Willam's support.

Every ounce of her attention was singularly focused on Willam's pleasure that night as she slipped inside of her partner with the strap-on that Willam had loved so much. More than any other toy they had tried using in their time together, this was the one Willam preferred and to show her appreciation, Alaska would gladly use it all night if that was what Willam had wanted. Anything she asked for was granted in an instant, whether it be a gentle tug on her hair, a light scratch down the length of her back and arms, or even just one more kiss despite the fact that Willam was barely able to catch her breath as it was...all of it, Alaska willingly and eagerly gave to her.

She was sure to leave no area untouched as she kissed her way across every inch of exposed skin that she could reach. Willam was writhing beneath her, so close and still begging for all that she could handle, and Alaska simply wanted to give it all to her. Her thrusts were as hard or soft as Willam demanded, as fast or as slow as she wanted until finally Willam slipped over the edge. As her body shook from the strength of her orgasm, Alaska intertwined their fingers together with one hand as the other brushed away the stray locks sticking to the sweat that had formed on Willam's forehead. A series of gentle kisses were placed up her partner's neck as Willam tried to catch her breath and reform some kind of coherent thought pattern.

Once it seemed as though she were breathing more easily, Alaska slipped the toy out and worked her lips down Willam's body until she had dipped just below her stomach. With a glance up for approval, Willam gave a slight nod and soon Alaska's mouth was at work once again. She began with carefully licking away the flavored lube that had been spread across Willam's inner thighs and gradually inched ever closer to the most sensitive part of Willam's anatomy.

She tried to remain considerate of just how sensitive Willam must be at the moment but the squirming and soft whines for more were all the encouragement she needed to move forward. Tentative licks became more deliberate as she pushed her tongue past Willam's folds to lap at the mess she had made. All the mewls falling from Willam's lips made the experience so much more of a turn on for Alaska. If she could have, she'd have given all that she had to relive this night forever.

But soon a broken call of her name filled the apartment and Alaska pulled away to look at her lover. Willam was an utter wreck as she lay on the bed; any trace of eyeliner she'd been wearing earlier was smeared into the glittery mess that was her eyeshadow and half extended down the expanse of her cheeks. Her beachy curls were tangled to hell and spread almost like a halo onto the pillow beneath her. But perhaps Alaska's favorite sign of their night together was the littering of lipstick and darkening love bites she'd left scattered across Willam's body. It was almost as if she were laying a physical claim to Willam; one that only they would ever see or know about.

Resuming her position overtop of her partner, they shared another passionate liplock. As the pair broke apart, Alaska panted out a question asking if Willam wanted to continue. The agreement was almost immediate, something that easily brought a pleased smile to the younger blonde.

With little resistance from her partner she rolled their bodies over until Willam was sitting just over top of Alaska's legs with the strap-on standing straight up before her. Willam looked a bit confused by the change in position, at least until Alaska let out a seductive whisper of, "Wanna see you riding me for a bit...not fair to have me doing all the work, now is it?"

With that invitation, the pair began their activities once again. Neither was quite sure of the time when they finally called it quits. It must've been rather late or perhaps their exhaustion just made it seem that way. Each felt like they were practically on autopilot as they cleaned themselves off and slipped between the covers to lay nestled together until the next morning. Alaska's final thoughts were a reflection of just how right it felt to have Willam in her arms and how desperately she wished that the older woman would return her affections one day.

******

But despite Alaska's occasional wondering if Willam could ever harbor the same feelings towards her, at the end of each of her musings, she remained sure that the answer was ultimately going to be 'no.'

Sure, Willam might've been a bit more soft with her than anyone else but it was only because they were best friends. There wasn't anything deeper aside from their now physical relationship. Any additional emotional attachment was just _her _wishful thinking. _Her _longing for something deeper and more substantial with Willam.

And after nearly 4 months of trying to hide their arrangement and her feelings regarding Willam, Alaska was sure some of their friends suspected something was going on between them. A number of the couples had tried their best to curb their curiosity but a few had made some subtle inquiries to try and work out the depth of their relationship. Courtney was perhaps the most blatant, seeming intent on probing the pair with a number of carefully worded questions whenever they were together until a few too many kicks to the shin forced her to stop. More than once she had complained about a growing bruise on her leg but both Bianca and Willam, the latter with her cheeks starting to burn, told her quite mercilessly that it was her own fault.

During the instances where they had gone out with Raja and Manila, those inquiries were now replaced with looks of pity and sympathy. Manila often reached over and took ahold of Alaska's hand as she gave her friend a reassuring smile but the gesture simply left Alaska's head spinning in a state of confusion. Raja was a bit like Bianca in that she would shoot knowing glances towards the pair, Willam in particular, but all that seemed to earn was the contempt of the dirty blonde. Usually by the time their outing was over, Willam's arms were crossed in annoyance and she'd be huffing out that she was ready to leave. Raja would typically roll her eyes and again the pair would descend into a round of nonverbal communication that always seemed to end with Willam pulling Alaska away into the night.

Once or twice, Alaska tried to ask what all was going on but Willam stubbornly refused to answer. Annoyingly, she'd usually just deny that anything had happened despite the oh so obvious fact that Alaska was _there _to witness it. So rather quickly, Alaska learned to leave well enough alone and stopped asking questions.

But still that didn't ease the discontent of her stomach nor the clenching of her heart. At the times when their friends' focus was solely on their partners, Alaska was left to feel like the odd person out. Both the subtle and blatant show of affection the couples displayed caused her stomach to flip and her heart to drop. Even just a simple intertwining of fingers left Alaska dwelling in a state of pathetic jealousy and loneliness. Raja and Manila were the worst offenders of this; the two just couldn't seem to keep their hands off one another but there were times when Bianca and Courtney were almost as bad.

Though it was much rarer, the pair usually preferring just to taunt each other or let a few stray fingers slip across their partner's skin in a not so modest manner, there were a few occasions when they would exchange a meaningful kiss or hold on tightly to one another's hand as if daring the world to throw whatever it could at them. On the days when Courtney was craving more than their usual brand of playful insults, Bianca was more than willing to pull her girlfriend into her arms and leave a random trail of kisses across her neck and cheek. During these instances, thankfully few and far between, it would practically take the outbreak of a war to pry the pair's attention away from one another.

Though that meant no questions about Willam and Alaska's state of affairs, having to remain witness to that undeniably close bond she would never experience left Alaska feeling utterly miserable. And tonight's dinner date seemed to be leading in that direction. Both Bianca and Courtney's eyes had grown soft that night as they gazed at one another until even Willam was shifting uncomfortably in her seat. It felt as though she and Alaska were third wheeling, though the expectation for this night was just supposed to be a simple meal at the cafe and later perhaps a walk around the city.

A few glances were exchanged between Willam and Alaska, usually of rolling eyes or gagging expressions, but Alaska's heart just wasn't in it. Every second that passed was compounding her loneliness until finally after watching Courtney and Bianca share a short but sweet peck on the lips, Alaska abruptly stood up and excused herself for a smoke break.

It was common knowledge that she had given up smoking a long time ago but every so often she'd give into temptation if the stressors of her life proved to be too great. Thankfully she always seemed to have at least a half empty pack of cigarettes in her purse but today as she dug through her belongings, it became clear that that was all that she had. There was absolutely no lighter to be found anywhere; not in the side pockets nor hidden amongst the other random collection of crap she had shoved into her purse at one point or another.

Slumping against the wall of the restaurant in defeat, Alaska felt close to crying. Though the setback was minor and arguably the best thing for her health that could have happened, she found herself biting back a slew of tears that had pooled in the corners of her eyes. Whether it was fate taking a hand or just her friend's typical concerned nature; Willam came racing out of the restaurant just a minute or so after her and soon discovered Alaska in a state of distress.

Rushing to her side, she asked what was wrong and utterly refused to believe Alaska's excuse of simply lacking a lighter as the cause for blame. She knew Alaska far too well for that and had little patience for the bullshit lie the blonde had tried to feed her.

No.

Alaska might have times where she got into a mood over little things but there was _always _an underlying reason. Something far more meaningful than just forgetting a lighter at home and Willam refused to give up on the subject until Alaska told her what was wrong.

The prodding was relentless as Alaska held onto her story quite admirably but as was expected, she eventually broke down. Feeling a single, warm tear falling down her cheek, she finally revealed the source of her frustration. Her voice cracked as she struggled to keep herself calm but before she could stop herself, she was all but screaming at Willam, "I'm sorry, I just-I want what they have, okay?"

Willam looked stunned but once started, Alaska just couldn't stop. Like a flow of verbal diarrhea, she cried out, "I want to be able to tell our friends about us, what we're doing. Like we aren't ashamed of it-just…”

The voice in the back of her mind screamed at her stop but she was unable to hold her feelings back any longer. She had to tell Willam how she really felt...even if it meant possibly losing everything. She just couldn’t stand hiding anything any longer. With a pained desperation in her voice, she stressed, “I want to be able to hold hands. Kiss in front of them...even just…sitting closer together...I know you don't want that kind of relationship but I..._ I do_!”

The tears she previously held back were starting to slide down her cheeks but the state of her makeup was the least of her concerns. In one last hushed whisper, she admitted, “I hate acting like we're keeping some kind of dirty little secret from our friends. I want to tell them...about us. Whatever this is."

Having finally confessed her greatest secret, she looked to her friend for some kind of reaction. The look of shock and overwhelming confusion on Willam’s face was like nothing she had seen before. She could practically see the gears turning inside of Willam’s head as she digested everything she just heard but strangely Willam was absolutely silent. The mere fact that she had nothing to say immediately, whether it be good or bad, concerned Alaska. Already she was starting to regret letting everything spill out but it was too late now. There was no coming back from this.

After a minute or two with almost no response from Willam, Alaska’s resolve broke and hesitantly she spoke to her friend, “Will?...I'm sorry...Can you say something? Please?”

Blinking in confusion, Willam seemed to withdraw from her headspace just a little at the sound of Alaska’s voice. There was a moment where she forced back a heavy swallow before asking in trepidation, “You...want all of that-”

“Yes-”

“With..._ me_?” The tone of disbelief Willam held was absolutely astonishing. Like she just couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that someone, anyone could ever want that kind of relationship with _her._

And Alaska was hardly any better off. How could Willam not believe that she was worth all of that? Barely able to keep her voice low, Alaska affirmed emphatically, “Yes! Wha-Why wouldn't I?”

A strange look passed across Willam’s face. There was a mix of emotions, too many to be able to distinguish all at once but one that stuck out, really, really stuck out, was that of reproach. Willam looked to be biting back something that she wanted to say and Alaska’s patience snapped. Feeling broken, frazzled, and just kind of miserable, she let out a helpless huff of “What?”

“‘Lask,” Willam began quietly as her eyes turned to the ground, “...you...you know you can do better than me, right?”

“What?” Alaska cried out incredulously.

Running her hand across her bare arm, Willam explained, “I mean...That's why-I kinda thought you knew that already…” Her voice dipped into a register so soft that Alaska strained to hear properly, but just barely she could make out, “I thought that you were just waiting till you, I don't know, found someone who actually deserved you.”

The moment their gazes reconnected, Alaska felt like there was a sudden moment of clarity like none she had ever experienced before. Her heart felt ready to leap from her chest as it filled to the brim with the realization that her feelings were in fact returned. Though Willam had not said it in so many words, Alaska just _knew _what she meant.

Stepping closer, Alaska’s eyes and voice had grown soft as she reassured her lover, “Will...you're not perfect-” a look of indignation and warning immediately swept over Willam’s face and recognizing the poor wording, Alaska continued on to stress, “-but neither am I. There's no one else I want to be with...All of _this,” _she gestured to the open space between them, “ _... _was everything I ever wanted. No one else can make me laugh like you can. No one else makes me feel so cared for and supported...and no one else can put up with my tantrums or whining like you.”

Shaking her head, Willam tried to argue “You don't-”

“I do,” Alaska interrupted with a knowing smile, “You _know _I do. The point is, you're the only one I want to be with. The only one I've ever wanted to show off to our friends...”

It finally seemed like her words were truly reaching Willam but still she had to ask, “Really?”

There was a desperate kind of hope in her voice, as well as on her face, one that Alaska recognized all too well. They were far more similar in that regard than she had ever thought but now that she understood all that Willam felt towards her, it made it that much easier to reassure her, “_Really_.”

Alaska’s hand came up to brush her fingers through Willam’s loose curls as the older woman still tried to fully convince herself of all that Alaska had said. Trying her best to regain that confident disposition she was known for, Willam struggled to find the words admit to Alaska, “I...I want…”

A fond smile stretched across Alaska’s lips as she guessed what Willam was trying to say. Sharing her feelings was not her strong point, it never was, but Alaska could read everything she needed to know just from Willam’s eyes. Silencing her partner with a quick kiss, she assured Willam that she didn’t have to say anything, she already knew what Willam meant.

But still, despite this newfound understanding, Alaska needed to ask before they went back inside the restaurant, “Can we tell them about us? Courtney and Bianca, at least? Just for now?”

Shaking her head with her own tears stinging at the corners of her eyes, Willam pecked Alaska’s lips once more and laughed out, “No. I want to tell _everyone_."


End file.
